schooled

File Under: Lessons Learned from the Inebriated



Lesson One: Do not get on a boat with more than one douchebag. If you need clues on how to spot a douchebag, please see our reference manual, Douchebags. They Live Among Us.

Lesson Two: Do not get on a boat that is zoned for six, when there is already 7 people aboard.

Lesson Three: In case of eminent plunge into freezing cold drink, Drop the Motherfucking Wine Bottle.

Lesson Four: If you are "fall down drunk" drunk, there is a 75% chance that you're going back in. There is no Pass Go for you. You're going back into the drink.

Lesson Five: The douchebag will always come to the aide of the blonde first.

Lesson Six: Elbowing your friend in the back to try to balance yourself will karmicly payoff by having a drunkass doucebag pull your arm out of its socket in his attempts "save you." You earned that trip to the ER.

Lesson Seven: It isn't "romantic" or "hip" to pay a couple of teen douches with a sixer in exchange for a private party on their dingy. Better to pony up and pay full dollar for the certified canal cruise. They at the very least, have life preservers and will not drive the boat away from your sinking drunk ass to save themselves.


Viva El Nederlanders!