ode to a dog

Ten years ago this coming Easter, standing in the middle of a dirt farm in Tennessee, as pigs and turkeys ran around me, I made a snap decision that altered the course of my life.

I became a dog owner.

It's funny to think that there are a vast number of my friends who don't know me without Olive. It's been a decade with the beast and as much as I loathe when we play "I'm rolling the ball in a place that I'm unable to retrieve it, thusly you must get off your ass and get it for me," I do believe that this dog has brought myself and most folks who meet her - wait.

The ball is under the TV console. Faaaaahk.

Where was I?
Oh yeah, she brings the sunshine.

So, here's to her.
Twelve pounds of tenacity, neurosis and adorable.

May you live to have a creature bring as much sweetness into your world, as that ball of teeth and fluff has brought into mine.


10 Facts about Olive on her 10th birthday
1) She does not like it when you touch her paws for any reason.
2) She does not like it when you leave.
3) She does not like it when you try to hide her ball because she rolled it under the cabinet for the 11,485th time that day.
4) While her breed are known for being water dogs, she hates both the rain and baths.
5) She, like most terriers, is extremely savvy and resourceful.
6) She got into a nearly full bag of treats on Tuesday. On Wednesday, she spent the day taking a Marmaduke worthy crap (about 6 of them) in the bathroom. As I've told her more than once, "If you're going to shit in the house, shit on the linoleum." I appreciated her thought...wait.

Ball.

7) I don't know the actual day she was born. I forgot to ask the Amish folks that I procured her from. When I got her to the vet, he estimated her age and figured she was born in mid-January. Let me tell you, the Ides of March has nothing on Ides of January.
8) Favorite food? Baked Acorn Squash. Watching her gnaw out a husk is a wonder to behold.
9) While she is completely untrained, in her salad days, Olive performed or was featured in several shows in the off-loop Chicago theater scene, including:



The Armageddon Radio Hour (pic above) 2000-2004
The Armageddon Radio Hour New Year's Eve 2000-2004
The Gong Show (she was a popular judge) 2000-2005
Leopold (featured - see pic below)




The SKALD (2006) - Told the heart-wrenching saga of her 11 day adventure as a lost dog.

She also, sadly, inspired a indelible portion of J's one-woman show, The Emily Show (2002)...when one strange and awful night, Olive killed J's pet hamster, Deluxe.

This was Olive's standard program bio:

Since September of 2000, Olive has been seen in no less than
five productions in Chicago, including an open run of Armageddon Radio Hour, where she originated the role of Fineas McFineas. Olive is named after a cemetery in
the great state of Tennessee. Please don’t feed the diva.

She also holds the canine record for viewing DADA poetry. Word.

To all the folks who had Olive foisted upon them (never work with kids or animals!), not only did every single person handle it with aplomb, but with complete helpfulness for which I am ever grateful. If I never thanked you in person, please know that I have always appreciated any and all deference you showed that furball.

Finally, the only real fact you ever need to know about Olive is this,

10) Olive is a whore. In the best possible sense. She loves every one of you. If you visit, she will want to sleep on top of you and steal your blankets. Because she loves you. She'll want to play ball for 1286 hours. In a row.

She will snap your arm off like a twig if you even dare to play rope/tug with her. She wants you to rub her butt, her ears, her belly. She'll lay next to you or better still, nestle herself under your blanket.

All she wants is to be near you.
For truly, she's the best kind of whore.
The kind where your money's no good here.
The kind who makes you pancakes the morning after.
The heart of gold kind of whore.

Ok. I lied about the pancakes. But that dog is a whore from the word go.

Here's to you, my beastie.
Happy Birthday and many more, my sweet.