at odds

Please don't look at me.
I feel like I should sew a letter on my chest to proclaim my shame.

I feel prey to the oldest of taunts*....and I opened a Facebook account.

Admittedly, I am one of those folks who squints her one good eye in technology's direction and marvels at its possibilities to transform, while at the same time holds it at arm's length, knowing that one false move could set you on a course where it's 5am and you just spent the night staying up playing [insert popular gaming system...because in my case, it's just PC games and I'm still working on GTA: Vice City because I can't get the fucking helicopter to drop the freaking bombs when I tell it to, so I yelled at the screen for a while and haven't played since. Like 9 months ago.]

Here's the thing...Facebook feels rather creepy to me.

I mean, I have friends. The people you call at 10pm when your dog turns up missing and help you spend the next several hours hunting every farm house, out house and dog house looking for her. The ones you call at 5am to help jump your car. In -17 temps. The people who, as a bridesmaid, you are willing to go toe-to-toe with a self-obsessed in-law just to give the bride/groom a barrier from "the crazy." The people who save your bacon on numerous occasions and you happily return the favor. The people who have seen you at your best and your worst and still stick around because it turns out more often than not to be pretty entertaining.

I have friendly folk. The people who you know to be quality humans...and when you spend time with them, you think, "Why don't I spend more time with [insert name] because they are awesome and my life would be truly the better for it." And then six months goes by and you run into them on the el. So, instead you have a beer with them on rare occasions when the moon is full. The ones, while delightful, you would never consider waking up at 2am because you lost your keys and need to crash on a sofa. But, they are delightful all the same.

I have the friendly associate types. Folks you've worked with and think are rather keen, but have rarely shared more than witty remarks and maybe a drink. Ten years ago. The ones that leave a lovely impression upon you, and you might set them up with that guy you know from that thing. But, you're not standing up in the wedding. And they are on they're entirely on their own with "the crazy."

Basically, Facebook makes me feel like I'm stalking my friends (of all strata) and the last thing I want is another nickname. My Collector days are long past.

I made the preemptive decision to leave my High School/College/Work info off (at least for now.) I figure, the folks from those arenas, who I want to keep in contact with (or try to keep in contact with) I already keep in contact with - even if I only see them every 3-4 yrs.

While I might be curious on some level to find out where Molly G. (my BF and locker mate freshman year) ended up in life, I've already heard too many tales of "Uh...everything was aces until [insert crazy HS enemy/friend/date] called. So, maybe that wasn't the best idea."


Hey. I'm all about connecting up with folks and meeting new friends of friends. But, I'd rather initiate it the old fashioned way.

At a bbq where I'm half in the tank.

Is it wrong to think that at 39 I shouldn't be wasting my time wondering if anyone will write on my wall today? What the fuck is the whole "wall" thing about anyway?

Damn you, Facebook creators!
I curse you and the html you rode in on.

Dude. I'm so old and rusty, I need an oil can.



*As I mentioned this icy morn in the courtyard, "You'll get yours, B. You'll get yours."