Goooooooooooooooooal!

With the advent of the economical upheaval, there is a lot of talk lately regarding "goals." Business goals, career goals, political goals, personal goals. On TV, in the next cube over, on the radio...it's like a non-stop loop in my head.

I have no other choice, but to think about goals.

On the personal front of "what everyone is supposed to want", I'm rather complacent.

Marriage? While I do have several friends who have what I consider to be really good marriages (a healthy work-in-progress relationship), I could probably name more that haven't. Like all things in life, you take your chances on the roller coaster.

Some folks love it. Some folks throw up. Some folks throw up and still love it.

I was never the little girl who fantasized about her wedding day. Thought about it? Sure, on occasion. But, I've probably spent more time fantasizing about working at a Vermont post office while solving murders with my boyfriend, the town sheriff, than I ever spent thinking about a wedding day or the man I might marry.

I'd like to think that on a planet of 6 billion, there might be someone I could be down for the long haul with, but he's yet to cross my path. But, I'm not pining away for whatever his name is.

Although, part of me hopes to meet him in line for an actual roller coaster some day...because I dig metaphors.


Children? I remember at the age of 8 deciding that if I ever had kids, I would adopt. That it made little sense to me to bring a child into this crazy world, when there were so many out there that needed a home and folks to care for them. And that I would adopt an older kid, because everyone wants babies. And babies? What a freaking nightmare! They can't talk and you have to change their diaper.

Dude. I would not want to change my own diaper, much less a squirmy kid who might pee on me in retaliation.

Sure, there was about 5 minutes in my mid-20's when I was extremely curious what having a baby growing inside me and giving birth would be like. But that moment has long passed.

Don't get me wrong. I adore children. Honest. In small regimented doses. But, I do enjoy them. They are honest and extreme reflections of their environments. Watching my nephew interact with the world he is presented with (when he's not attached to his X-box) is pretty entertaining. I strive to make an impact on keeping him interested and interactive with the non-gaming world around him.

Nuts to donuts, I tend to agree with my 8 year old self.
If I ever decide to become a parent, I'll be adopting. And none of that Murphy Brown single mother crap for me yo. I'd like a partner in crime if I'm signing up for the parent trap.


Career? I really wish I could figure this one out. Besides my fixation with being a psychiatrist (again at age 8) for a short time, I never really had a compelling plan for a career. (Which explains the ever-growing heinousness of my current job.) Doctor, Lawyer, whatever. I've read that most people have 3 (or more) "careers" in their lifetime. I figure I've still got time to figure that one out.


Truly, my goals have been pretty low brow.

1) Keep a roof over my head. Check.
2) Feed the dog. Check.
3) Surround yourself with friends who are smarter than you. Check.
4) Create a lasting slang word or phrase. (crickets chirping in the breeze.)


I'm not making this up. I've always wanted to be one of those folks who creates a word/phrase that becomes part of our modern lexicon. It's not something I talk about much...when I'm sober.

Several years back, I made a run at trying to get folks to embrace "My karate is for real." Ha. And you thought it was just some idiot blog title.

Some of my other past attempts include "I veto Ralph Macchio." and "Lady Pocket." One is just a fancy way of saying, "Shut it, sucka! No way!" and the other is a term for a vagina.


I want to create the next woot, necker's knob or "Keep on truckin'."
It has been a goal of mine for many years.
I shit you not.


Yesterday, on an email thread, I coined the term, "Lady Court."

A "Lady Court" is basically, an updated, more posh version of "fag hag."
It is, specifically, the group of women who have a central gay male figure in their group.

Ex: Dennis will be meeting up with his lady court at the bbq.


Personally, I've always hated the term "FH." First, the word "fag" - pretty offensive to many folks. I can take it or leave it. I mostly leave it. My bigger pill is with the word "hag."

It conjurs up a MacBeth style witch in my mind.
Old, grotesque, with facial boils and bad hair.
Cackling and shrill.

Now I may cackle and I have more than my share of bad hair days, but I've yet to awaken to a boil and I'm not that shrill.

Loud, absolutely. Shrill, never.

I am not a hag.
I don't know any hags.
And I don't hang with hags. (Finger Snap sfx. Neck rolling optional.)

Anyway, I guess there was a bit of a back and forth about it on Facebook (I wouldn't know, I never hang there) which resulted in my friend Dennis (of who's court I belong to) submitting Lady Court to the Urban Dictionary folks.

Now, just getting published is one thing. The goal is to get it to be a commonly (I'd even settle for rarely) used term that is understood by the majority of the populace. To become part of the cultural lexicon.

Now, I'm not sure if lady court is that word, but, I can't wait to find out.